Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
