:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
