Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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