Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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