And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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