he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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