that's an acceptable place to lick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Alive.
So much puke
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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