Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
