I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
