You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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