the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
