My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Randomize
