none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
