Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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