just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
