in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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