all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
