so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
