I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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