Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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