I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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