I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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