hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
