my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
