My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
