I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
