When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
