How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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