You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
