like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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