her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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