Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
