Soap is not a condiment
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
