Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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