the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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