Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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