she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
