Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
