I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
