I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
