The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
