Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
