That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
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Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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