they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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