Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
