the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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