About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
