Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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