Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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