I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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