his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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