I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
