i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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