we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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