yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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