dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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