You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
