Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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