Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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