you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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