Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
