i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
