you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
