That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
