No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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