Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
