I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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